Senor Juan
by Alias Black
Summary: Due to a review, I'm am taking the suggestion of changing the summary. Um...I don't know what to change it to, but the fact that someone said to change it so people would read it should say that it is good, no?
1. Chapter 1

Author's Notes: Heheh...I like this a lot...I do. Um, this is dedicated to Piper and Invader Insomniac...because Piper is really the reason why I actually got this written down, and I.I. is the reason it got posted. It's gonna have some really funny stuff in it...so please R&R!! Thankyou!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own JtHM or any thing else Jhonen Vasquez. I do own Tito...cuz he's mine! The end.  
  
Senor Juan  
  
  
  
Johnny sat behind his little desk, doodling happy noodle boy...it was so quiet...quiet was nice...  
  
"HELLO!!" A voice rang out from behind.  
  
Johnny spun around, startled, and crashed into the lamp poised so delacately ontop the desk. It swung around and smacked him in the head, as if through retaliation.  
  
"Sorry? Did I scare you?" The sarcastic remark was followed immedeatly by laughter, somewhere in the shadows of the room.  
  
Johnny rubbed his head.  
  
"Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my house?" He asked the figure in the shadows.  
  
The figure stepped out, revealing a, rather short, medium-build hispanic man(but Johnny knew that, just by the accent). He was quite young, and had a rather sly looking grin across his face.  
  
Johnny stared at him blankly.  
  
"What? Don't you remember me?" The man took a step forward.  
  
"Should I?" Nny answered, seemingly oblivious to the fact that some PERSON was in his house without permission.  
  
"Yes, I'd say so, after all, you KILLED me!" The man said, irritated.  
  
Johnny blinked a couple times, trying to remember this, person.  
  
"Oh, your that guy that was screaming about how you weren't READY to die..."  
  
"Uh-huh.."  
  
"...then I killed you." Johnny grinned evilly.  
  
"...Mmyeah..." The hispanic man stood there, eye twitching.  
  
"But, if I killed you, what are you doing...um...alive?"  
  
"Simple, my homicidal amigo...I told you, I wasn't ready to die."  
  
"Well, then I'll just have to kill you again!" Johnny grabbed up a ax that was so CONVENIANTLY placed beside his desk, and sliced down the middle of the guy's head. The man just stood there, quite peeved, with the ax sticking out of his head.  
  
"Ouch..."  
  
Nny stared in awe.  
  
"Your supposed to die now..." He said.  
  
"I'm already dead you can't kill me!" The guy said, "oh, by the way, my name is Tito."(heh...private joke...hehehe) Tito grabed the ax and with some struggle, pulled it out of his head.  
  
"I'm Johnny. But, could you, go away? I'm busy." Johnny turned around and sat back at his desk. He didn't hear anything for a few seconds, so, satisfied that the strange little man had left, he picked up his pen and continued with his comic.  
  
"What'cha doin' Senor Juan?" A voice came from what seemed to be too close for comfort.  
  
Johnny spun around yet again, startled, hit the lamp, which returned with a loving smack on the head, once again. Damn Deja Vu.  
  
"Why the FUCK are you still here?!" Johnny yelled, rubbing his head again.  
  
"Oh, didn't I tell you?" Tito clapped his hands together, then spread them out in a wide gesture, "I'm staying with YOU now! Ya know, we can go cruise the hood, pick up chiquitas, get drunk and party all night! The works man!"  
  
Johnny twitched.  
  
"Okay, three things: 1, you are NOT staying with me, 2, I'm not the "party" type, and 3, YOUR ANNOYING THE LIVING HELL OUTTA ME!!" Johnny then picked up a couple knives, that HAPPENED to be on a rack on the wall, and slashed the poor Tito man to sheds.  
  
Nny looked at the bloody, unmoving heap on the floor, satisfied that it was, indeed, no longer alive.  
  
"I'll clean you up later," Nny sighed and walked out of the room, "I could go for a 'freezy right now..."  
  
Nny didn't feel like walking, so he picked up his keys and went out the door. He got in the car...blah blah...and started...driving. No particular thoughts circled his head, just this and that. It was quite late, must have been around midnight. The quiet of midnight...  
  
"Hey, Juanito! Can you pick up some Cheetos while we're there? I LOVE Cheetos!" Tito said, springing up from the backseat.  
  
"What the hell?!" Johnny yelled, the car swerving onto the curb, and crashed into a pole. 


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Notes: Yeah, this is going to look pointless this chapter, but don't worry, THERE WILL BE A PLOT!! *echo* So, sit back and watch the fun until then. Oh yeah, and review!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own JtHM!! I SWEAR!!  
  
Senor Juan  
  
  
  
Nny walked into the 24/7, a short hispanic man accompanying him. Johnny pulled out a few shards of glass from his arm, and walked to the Brainfreezy machine.  
  
Tito's eyes wandered around the store. A beautiful young woman grabbed a bag of chips and was walking to the counter.  
  
"Hey, Juan, lookit that hot one over there...damn!" Tito whispered to Nny.  
  
"Go away," Johnny said, irritated.  
  
"Oh come'on bro! Just look at her!"  
  
"No," Nny said simply.  
  
"But she's so purdy!" Tito grabbed Johnny's head and jerked it over toward the counter where the woman was getting out some money.  
  
CRAAAACK!!  
  
The woman dropped her change on the floor and looked over at the two guys standing by the freezy machine. One had the hot-dog tongs sticking out of his head...no wait...she must be seeing things.  
  
Johnny and Tito walked behind her, waiting for her to hurry up and leave...well Johnny was anyway...  
  
The woman looked at them uncertainly and bent down to pick up the change.  
  
SMACK!  
  
The woman stood up abruptly. Someone smacked her ass!! She looked at the two men behind her. One was grinning insanely, and the other was staring at the one grinning insanely.  
  
"He did it," said the insanely grinning one, pointing at the other, staring one.  
  
WHACK!!  
  
Johnny rubbed his sore face, and looked angrily at the woman, who noticed her mistake.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Johnny walked briskly down the street, blood splattered against his clothes, drinking a brainfreezy. Tito tried to keep up, his legs considerably shorter, munching from a bag of cheetos. Nny, of course, was trying to speed up to keep away from the pest, but to no avail. He had TRIED to kill him again in the 24/7, but that hadn't worked either.  
  
"Sooooo..." Tito started, piercing the silence once again, "did you HAVE to kill her?"  
  
"Yes," Nny answered.  
  
"But WHYYYYYYY? She was muy bonita!"  
  
"If she was naive enough to believe that I had so rudely violated her personal boundries, and not the grinning idiot next to me, she deserved to die," Nny told Tito, hoping to silence him.  
  
"Man, no wonder you got no girlfriend..." Tito commented, "You need to lower your standards."  
  
"I don't HAVE standards, I don't WANT a "girlfriend", thank you very much," Johnny said, getting aggitated.  
  
"But why NOT? Everyone wants a girlfriend!! I mean, I'm sure if you, ya know, stopped the whole killing thing, you could get one. Skinny, goth dudes with cool boots are in, man!"(another private joke, seeing as I know a skinny goth dude with cool boots)  
  
Nny didn't answer. There was no point. Maybe if he just stopped talking the little vermin would too, and, eventually, leave.  
  
They walked in silence for a few minutes.  
  
"Are you gay?" Tito asked suddenly.  
  
"ARGH!!"  
  
Tito then got a handful of cheetos violently thrust down his throat. 


	3. Chapter 3

Nny spent the next few blocks listening to Tito hack up Cheetos, his eyes twitching every few seconds.  
  
"Hugh!! ACK!!" Another one popped out, and Tito pounded his chest, eyes watering, "Mmmm...dangerously cheesy!"  
  
Suddenly, a crack of lighting lit up the sky, and the sound of thunder boomed.  
  
Johnny looked up.  
  
"Oh damn," he muttered, as rain started to pour down. He looked at Tito, who was also looking up, and narrowed his eyes.  
  
"This is all your fault! If you hadn't suprised me in the car I wouldn't have crashed and have to walk the rest of the way home in the RAIN! Why the hell are you bothering me?! Can't you just go away or die or throw yourself off a bride or something?!" Nny screamed.  
  
"Is this going to be one of those dramatic moments like in soap operas where we end up saying 'I love you' and hugging in the rain?" Tito asked.  
  
Nny threw up his arms and continued walking...of course Tito followed.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Johnny opened the door to his house, dripping wet, and walked in. Tito tried to follow but Nny slammed the door in his face. He heard a thud on the other side, accompanied by an "ow".  
  
Nny sniffled. He sat down on the couch, muttering to himself.  
  
Tito opened the door and walked in.  
  
"You don't look so good amigo," Tito said, "I KNOW! I fix you CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP!!" Tito ran happily off into the kitchen, where loud bangings and clankings sounded. Wait...was that a sheep?  
  
Nny wiped his nose, eye twitching. What was he going to do about this "Tito" freak? Why would he just DIE? Nny started to regret ever killing him. Maybe before he thought any further, he should change into some dry clothes though...  
  
Nny got up and walked into another room.  
  
"Booby-doopy doopy doo..." Tito said, searching the cuboards, "Jeez, does this guy eat at all?! There barely any food..oh wait.." He grabbed a can of soup he found behind some Spagettios cans and razor blades.  
  
"I FOOOOOOOOOOOOUND IT!!" Tito said, poking his head in the living room. Nny wasn't there.  
  
"Hm..." Tito looked around the room, then heard the shower go on. Tito thought a moment. Then he thought some more. After that, instead of thinking, a twisted grin spread across his face...  
  
~*~*~  
  
Johnny stepped into his living room, squeaky clean, but still feeling quite not well. He sneezed. He then looked around the room, eyes going wide.  
  
The room was covered in PINK THINGS. There were CURTAINS on the windows!! FUZZY CUTE THINGS decorated the top of his T.V., coffee table, and various other things. Pictures of SANRIO characters where on the walls!  
  
"OH MY GOOD GOD!" Nny said strongly. As his eyes moved about the room, they finally rested on Tito, who was sitting on the couch smiling at him.  
  
"How you like it?" Tito said slyly.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY HOUSE?!! YOU PERTURBENCE PLAUGE!!" Nny grabbed up some knives and jumped at Tito, who moved while laughing heartily. As if they were rough housing.  
  
"Ah, Juanito, I KNEW you'd like it!!" He said, dodging the deadly weapons.  
  
Nny suddenly felt VERY dizzy. He stopped in mid-slash and dropped the knives.  
  
"Senor Juan? You okay?" Tito asked.  
  
Johnny suddenly passed out and fell to the floor.  
  
"Well," Tito said, stepping up to him, "didn't expect THAT." 


End file.
